Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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