oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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