aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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