You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
