Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
