I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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