She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
