Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can i not drive my cunt home
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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