my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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