He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My cat gives me a boner
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
