shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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