no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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