This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
