So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
