the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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