so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
