All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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