also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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