also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
