if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
