did you get engaged???
I heard we made out
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
