As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
