Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
