My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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