Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
