Will you blow on my dice?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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