You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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