Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
