this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
