My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
