i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
