I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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