Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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