So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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