i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
