You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
