Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
