i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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