There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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