After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
