Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
