remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My pussy is not your playground.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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