It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
