I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
