My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
