allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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