So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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