There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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