Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
