she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
