What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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