Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
